What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 01:04
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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Was to survive, this bastard.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is soul school!.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Are there many people here who suffer from schizophrenia?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She found it foreign!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
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When she asked me how she looked .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was in good health!
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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Quis sed officia eum accusantium animi.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I will be 64.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I have no regrets .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So whats the point in blame.
Put me off passion for life!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I write beautiful poetry .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So, i spoilt her more .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i lived it daily.
She loved him until the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I waited trembling.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
All the time i was locked up.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We all went to grammer schools
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She wouldn,t have been !
Comes on , in middle age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was very sick at this time too.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But it wasn’t much.
My family never makes their pension either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
What did i know ?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I said to her
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One cannot live in the past .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He knew the spot.
I was scared of men, in general
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was 9 years of age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Would this be the day?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But ive been too sick for many years..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im still living with it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Ive learnt so much.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It was going to be , some day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My life is so biszare .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Who then, do I blame.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,